How to avoid an identity crisis in 2020

Right now, this very minute, are you crystal clear on who you are or what you’re supposed to do?

I’m not. 

I’m working through a slight identity crisis in my business.

An identity crisis is a period of uncertainty in your definition & direction.

That’s where I am. I’m trying to nail down a couple of new keynote talks on my main message and I’m all over the board. The frustrating things is that if I can’t get crystal clear about my specific message (definition) then I won’t know which audiences would benefit from hearing me (direction) and I won’t be able to make the impact I hope to have.

And what’s ridiculous is that this is what I do for others. I guide them in the creation of meaningful careers, authentic businesses and loving relationships by providing definition to who they are and direction for what to do. I’ve been successful doing this work and I’ve helped a lot of women. And yet, here I sit, struggling to clarify in one sentence, my own identity.


Do you have clear definition and direction today? 

As a life coach, my experience is that most women don’t, not if they are honest. In fact, I just read in A Woman’s Place by Katelyn Beaty that only three out of every ten Christian moms say they aren’t confident they are making the “right” choice for themselves and their families. That leaves 70% of those moms uncertain about their definition and direction. 

If you find yourself in a similar place, you might be heading toward an identity crisis in 2020. 


An identity crisis typically occurs when there is a change in your life. 

  • Your role has changed. You’ve become a new mom or a new manager or newly single and you don’t know who you are with a whole new set of tasks. 
  • Your goals have changed. You want to take on a new project or side hustle and find yourself in unchartered territory. You finally got a diagnosis for your child’s issues but the remedy feels like a whole new ball game.  

This is where I am. My business has changed so my goals have changed. Instead of working primarily with Christian moms, I’m now working with professional women, career transitioners, and business owners who are pressured to be everything to everyone but what they want is to live, work and love with authentic passion and purpose.

  • Your attitude has changed. You’ve had enough of the boredom or the restlessness with your current situation. You’re sick of living according to the expectations of others, of being what they want you to be rather than who you believe you’ve been made to be. You feel fake, fickle or fried and are ready for something new.


If you are in a season of change and a little or a lot confused as to what to do, make definition your top priority. Make it your word of the year or word of the month, but don’t rest until you’ve got clear definition. When you’ve got definition, direction naturally follows, so make this the place you start. 

Define your strengths, your core values, your skills, and your dreams. Define what you’ve GOT and what you’re NOT. Get clear on what you uniquely offer and what’s important to you. 

Just because your role or your goals or even your attitude changes, you don’t change. You are still you. It may take a little asking, seeking and knocking before you understand how to apply your authentic self to your new situation, but it’s critical to your purpose and your passion and your ultimate impact that during this type of season, you go back and get clear about you. 


So, let’s say you know who you are. But before I get to that, I’m going to take a slight detour here, because I hear this a lot from Christian women. 

I know who I am.

I’m a daughter of the King, I’m a child of God. I’m the bride of Christ. 

And I believe that is all very true. That is your spiritual identity. But how does that knowledge guide you on say a Tuesday morning, as to how you will spend your time that day? Now maybe if the choice was between robbing a bank or feeding the poor, you would know exactly what to do, but usually your choices are less criminal and equally moral, so you’re going to need to understand your God-given uniqueness in order to discern God-given direction.


I too know my spiritual identity and I’ve spent years understanding my unique identity AND YET I’m still grappling with an identity crisis. 

So now I’m getting outside help. Even with a whole lot of self-awareness, you can still be blind to what others can see. 

Phone a friend. 

Sit down with your mentor. 

Talk to your mom or a trained professional. 

Whatever it takes. 

I hired a coach. As a coach myself I believe in and have experienced the power of coaching, so that is my go-to when I need to grow in terms of definition and direction. Just this week I joined a speaker’s coaching program that conducts one-on-one coaching sessions at first, then moves me into group coaching after that. 

I AM PSYCHED! Because I know that definition and direction are within my grasp. I’m totally motivated to figure this out since national speaking gigs are one of my top 3 goals, but also because I will not rest until it’s done. I know that my coach will provide incredible perspective as well as the wisdom and accountability I need to guarantee successful direction.

Remember, hope and progress always return when you’ve got someone in your corner.


What direction are you seeking for 2020?

How might DEFINITION be the secret ingredient to your success?

Who do you need in your corner to get you there?

If you’re in the market for definition and direction and would like to talk to a professional life coach, consider a complimentary Inquiry phone call with me. Just click here to find out more.