What’s Wrong with Me as a Stabilizer?


The question that every Stabilizer asks when faced with one of her limitations is this:

What’s wrong with me?

First, let me set the record straight.



Like every other personality type you have weaknesses and gaps. Your weaknesses will be different than the Improvers, Doers, and Connecters you know, but that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. Your personality weaknesses are normal and to be expected, and they are just strengths that have gone too far. It’s important to realize this so that you don’t try to deny or hide your weaknesses. Yes, they need management. They need the help of Jesus. But, if you throw out your weaknesses, you throw your strengths out too.

When contemplating your “issues,” there are five questions that you as a Stabilizer usually ask, in an effort to understand yourself. As you read these, I hope that you will keep two things in mind:

  • Nothing is wrong with you. Every Stabilizer struggles with these weaknesses.
  • Each weakness sources from a strength. This awareness can keep you from abandoning your weakness so it can be used as a strength.


1. Why do I feel so responsible for others?  Your desire to help can quickly deteriorate into carrying someone else’s load. When you own someone else’s problems, you are taking what doesn’t belong to you. This weakness comes from the strength of being supportive.

2. Why can’t I make a decision?  You are often wishy-washy about what you want or need. You like to keep options open so that everyone is happy, but nothing happens while you wait.  This weakness comes from the strength of being patient.

 3. Why dont I stand up for myself?  You’re a lover, not a fighter. To a fault. You are so willing to give grace, that you shrug off too much. This weakness comes from the strength of tolerance.

4. Why am I so overwhelmed?  Noise, clutter, and a long to-do list wear you out and shut you down, causing stuff to collect and keeping chores from being completed. This weakness comes from the strength of being singularly focused.

5. Why do I sometimes feel indifferent?  You are so laid back and restful that you can check right out, disengaging from the people and experiences around you. This leaves others wondering if you really care. This weakness comes from the strength of peacefulness.


The goal is to manage your weaknesses but not spend all your efforts on them.  You need to plug the holes in your boat (the weaknesses), but if you want to actually go somewhere, you’ll need to steward your God-given strengths.

For more information on how to manage each of these weaknesses and steward your strengths, check out the Stabilizer Minibook or learn about the four Authentic Personality Types in What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You.



There are four Authentic Personality Types:

Doers: Motivators who direct, dominate, and get stuff done.

Stabilizers: Peace-lovers who comfort, calm, and listen.

Connecters: Communicators who inspire, energize, and make life fun.

Improvers: Thinkers who prepare, plan, and perfect.

Learn more about the natural weaknesses of each and every type. This way you can adjust your expectations and extend grace to those around you.