Books like The Happiness Advantage, Hardwiring Happiness, The Happiness Project, and Positive Intelligence line my bookshelf. Why? Because I’m fascinated by the science of positivity, I’ve needed strategies to overcome negativity, and happiness is undeniably trending. In fact, as of today, Amazon lists over 40,000 books on happiness—a testament to our collective desire to understand and embrace it. The fact that I only have four makes me feel a little less like a junkie.
Positivity, it turns out, is a brain thing. It’s about changing the way you habitually think and rewiring your neural pathways for a more optimistic outlook.
Many people I work with want to embrace positivity and replace negative thoughts with empowering beliefs. They want to overcome limiting beliefs that hold them back and step into a more confident, hopeful mindset. But they often find that standard advice—like "fake it ‘til you make it"—isn’t effective or sustainable.
WHY "FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT" FALLS SHORT
Take a few examples.
One of my clients read an article that showed if she smiled, she would feel more happy, so she did that, but it didn’t last. Her friends were actually relieved when she let that go, because she was starting to get a little creepy.
Another client read the book, The Confidence Code, and learned that if she sat up straight or sprawled like a man, she would feel more confident. And she did, at least when she wasn’t flashing others.
Another tried positive affirmations, like Stuart Smalley, in SNL’s skit from the 1990s: I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! Unfortunately, her affirmations had the opposite effect, making her feel worse about herself. Maybe you’ve tried that too, and doggone it, it didn’t work. The reason is your words didn’t match your actual feelings. If there is a gap between your affirmation and how you actually feel, then repeating positive statements, whatever they made be, serves only to remind you how far you are from it.
To truly shift your mindset, you need two key tools: awareness and doubt.
CREATING AWARENESS
The first step to change is identifying your limiting beliefs. These are deeply ingrained ideas about who you are and what you can expect from life. Often formed in childhood, these beliefs go unquestioned and quietly shape your reality.
For example:
- "I always make mistakes."
- "I’m not important."
- "I’ll never get ahead."
- "My value comes from what I do."
These beliefs keep us stuck in cycles of self-doubt. For example, if you believe "I’m stupid," it may protect you from the fear of failure or trying new things. But this belief also keeps you from reaching your potential, limiting your opportunities and achievements.
PERSONALITY SPECIFIC LIMITING BELIEFS
Your personality type can often shape the specific limiting beliefs you hold. For instance:
- Stabilizers may believe their value comes from always caring for others or keeping the peace.
- Connecters may think their worth is tied to making others happy or being the life of the party.
- Improvers might feel they must be perfect to be worthwhile, focusing on flawless work or behavior.
- Doers often define their value by productivity, believing they’re only as good as their last accomplishment.
To learn more take the Your Authentic Personality Quiz or watch videos about your type here.
Recognizing these patterns is key to addressing them. For example, if you’re a Doer, you might hold the belief, "I’m only valuable when I’m achieving." This belief can drive overwork, burnout, and a sense of inadequacy when you’re resting or recharging.
To uncover these beliefs, ask yourself:
- What is my limiting belief?
Example: "I’m stupid." - What benefit have I gained from holding this belief?
It may shield you from failure or disappointment, but at what cost? - What are the negative consequences of this belief?
You may have avoided challenges, missed promotions, or lived a less fulfilling life.
INTRODUCING DOUBT
The next step is to introduce doubt about your limiting belief. Ask yourself: How is this belief false?
For instance, if your belief is "My value comes from what I do," consider:
- Are there times I’ve been valued for simply being me, not for my achievements?
- Do I admire others only for their productivity, or do I see their inherent worth?
- What small actions or qualities do others appreciate about me that have nothing to do with output?
Questioning the belief activates your logical brain, helping you evaluate its legitimacy. This process allows you to loosen the grip of limiting beliefs and opens the door for change.
FIGHTING LIES WITH EMPOWERING BELIEFS
Finally, replace your limiting belief with an empowering one. Choose a statement that resonates with you and feels actionable, such as:
- "I am valuable regardless of what I accomplish."
- "I bring worth through my presence, not just my productivity."
- "I am enough."
To reinforce this belief, spend 60 seconds visualizing yourself living it out. For example, imagine yourself in a setting where you feel appreciated for who you are, not what you’ve done. Visualization helps your brain begin to treat the belief as reality, building new neural pathways.
If the new belief feels too far from your current reality, soften it with a phrase like:
"While it hasn’t always felt true, I am open to believing that I am valuable just as I am."
This approach acknowledges past experiences while opening the door to change.
BUILDING A HABIT OF POSITIVITY
Creating a new belief takes time and practice. Studies on habit formation suggest it takes at least 21 days to start forming a new neural pathway and around 63 days for it to become an automatic habit. Post your empowering belief in visible places—your bathroom mirror, car dashboard, or as your phone’s lock screen. Repeat it daily, and revisit it when old doubts creep in.
Happiness isn’t just about fleeting emotions; it’s about cultivating a mindset that aligns with your values and potential. By replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones, you can create lasting change in how you see yourself and the world.
What limiting belief are you ready to challenge? Let me know—I’d love to hear about your journey toward positivity and empowerment!
